The Straight And Narrow
cookies, nothing here but cookies...
Keywords | Title View | Refer to a Friend |
Her Whole House Smelled Like Pussy
Posted:Jul 15, 2018 3:08 pm
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2018 6:23 pm

I went by the house where I found the kitten and saw Tracy outside. I quick pulled over and she walked out to the street. I told her I was the one who found the kitten and she said she was wondering who it was. Tracy is a "toucher", when she talks she reaches out and puts her hand on your arm. I like that. She was on the phone with her sister (the bitch) when I brought the kitten back.

She asked me into the utility room to see the furry family. As we walked in the front door I was greeted by the over-whelming smell of "cat". I should say cats. They were everywhere. I'm guessing they don't even notice the smell, anymore. Right off I'd say I counted 10 in the living room, but to be fair my count was interrupted by the "who the fuck is this" glare I got from her husband. I decided to tone down my friendly demeanor and make this more about the cats.

Between the washer and dryer in a cardboard box was the Momma and 3 kittens. 2 of them looked like the one I found, the other was an orange Tabby. The Mom was the one I was checking out. She was a long hair, really pretty, but her tail was fucked up. About halfway down it was missing a large area of hair, but then fluffed back up. That always makes me think of mange. Remembering the shitty look hubby gave me on my way in, I figured I'd been there long enough. I really felt like telling him that even though Tracy was blonde, the glasses, the slight overbite, which are all traits I find attractive in a woman, Tracy doesn't do anything for me.

As I said my goodbyes I really wanted to ask Tracy about the stick up her sister's ass. Was it too thick? Did it have splinters? What the fuck was her problem? I decided to let it go and get myself out of there before the subject of ME owning a cat came up. I'm gonna start driving a different direction when I go to the store for a while. For a good while.

Are there neighbors you avoid? Do they have sticks up their butts?
The Pussy Epilogue or Why Do I Even Try?
Posted:Jul 14, 2018 5:02 pm
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2018 6:23 pm

This is the follow up, to my previous post "Call Me Slut".

I went back to that neighbors house. I know the lady that lives there. She's a tall blonde, glasses, slight over-bite, kinda cute,and she's really tall. Married, two boys. We've talked a few times, always acknowledge each other in public places. Her name is Tracy.

I knock on the door and out comes a shorter version of Tracy. I've never seen this woman before, must be her sister. She's in mid-conversation with someone on her phone. I tell her I found this kitten in the driveway by the street. She just puts her hand up and shakes her head side to side. Walking right past me I hear her say, "Well, is it even gonna matter now that he's touched her?" She turns to me and says, "If you want, you can leave it on the side of the house." I tell her I'd rather not leave it on the side of the house. Apparently, frustrated that I'm still breathing, she takes the kitten out of my hand and starts walking towards the door. As she's walking away I tell her, "I'm sorry I rang your doorbell at 8 this morning". Without even turning she says that it's OK.

I leave, realizing 2 things: (1) there are women in this world that I can annoy the shit out of without even being married to them for 20 yrs, and (2) I have cat cooties. I never wanted or expected any gratitude, but I did think I'd be leaving with a good feeling that I'd helped reunite the kitten with it's owner. Instead all I had was an overwhelming feeling of "Why do I even try?".
Call Me Slut
Posted:Jul 14, 2018 7:27 am
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2018 6:24 pm

On my way to the grocery store, good Lord, how many of my posts start with me going to the grocery store? Anywho, whilst driving through the hood I see something small, dark, and furry laying a few feet from the end of a driveway. I recognized it to be a small kitten and it was about 6 inches behind the rear wheel of a monster truck. Seeing 2 possible deadly scenarios I quick pulled over and picked it up. The little fucker can't be more than a few weeks old. Eyes open, but it can't walk, couldn't really crawl, either. It did hiss at me.

I walked up to the front door of the house and knocked. The house has 2 obscure glass windows on either side of the door and I swear I saw a shadow pass one. I knocked again. Nothing. As my finger released the door bell button I remembered, it's 8am, Saturday morning. The best time to hit the grocery store. The worst time to ring a neighbors doorbell. And still no answer.

I carry the kitten home to the hands of my overjoyed grand daughters with the notice, "we aren't keeping it", and continue on with my original plan, the grocery store. I'm not a cat person. I've had cats in the past. I can't take the cat box, the shedding, the knocking of my things off of shelves as they strive to be the highest living creature in the room. And as fun as kittens are, they eventually grow up to be cats and I don't care for their "whatever" attitude. If I'm feeding, sheltering, and basically giving something a free ride, I expect a little love in return.

Around noon, I'm gonna go see that neighbor and hopefully they answer the door this time. If not, just call me "Slut" because I'm gonna give my pussy away to the 1st interested individual. Got Pussy? Want Pussy?
The Great Debate
Posted:Jul 8, 2018 6:23 pm
Last Updated:Jul 15, 2018 5:17 pm
The time has come to ask the age old question: How do you hang your toilet paper? I'm a "towards the front" guy, myself. Always have been, always will be. Mainly, because the "other" way is just wrong. So, what say ye? Are you like me, or are you...... wrong?

Posted:Jul 4, 2018 6:12 pm
Last Updated:Jul 5, 2018 4:27 pm

pərˈ(h)aps- used to express uncertainty or possibility.-used when one does not wish to be too definite or assertive in the expression of an opinion. ~google

What a versatile word. It has so many uses and meanings. It can be used to negotiate a better deal. It says, " open to your offer, but what else have you got? In this case, it's nothing more than a "Maybe".

It can be used to stall the impending "NO". We all learned that word in the back seat schooling of our youth. Our Mothers taught it looking over their shoulders as the car sped past the ice cream stores and amusements parks. Under these circumstances, it means "No". A kinder, gentler "No".

At the halfway point in the , have your dreams, desires, or wishes come true? Will this still prove to be the we find love, happiness health and prosperity? Will we get our dream jobs, vacations, retirements, and Slurpees that we have wanted? Perhaps. This is an example of "How the fuck would I know".

Have you gotten or done the things that you planned to do at the beginning of the New ? Do you still have time?
Just The Texts, Ma'am
Posted:Jul 1, 2018 11:14 am
Last Updated:Jul 8, 2018 5:59 pm

I can only assume that we all have that special text friend. The one that you share all the trivial events of your day, not necessarily sex, more like what your eating, your last poop, what your watching on TV. Mine is Lynda de La Mooch. I hear and tell regular reports of gastrointestinal tract issues, such as the text I received Saturday morning:

Lynda-----Oh no I got pee butt

We've discussed how odd a topic it is. It's not like we've ever been intimate, it's just that we're both very open with each other. I've read and wrote many detailed sex reports, shopping messages, fights with spouses, but mostly food. What we're buying, cooking, eating, and yes, eventually pooping. I liked this one I had today:

Me---I ate a can of pineapple for breakfast

Lynda---I have fresh pineapple

Me---I like the cans, I put them in the fridge overnight and eat them the next day

Lynda---Yum. I really enjoy eating pineapples and cantaloupes

Me---It's the only food I've ever included in sex, I even made my ex a pineapple dildo hahaha

Lynda---I don't want pineapple anymore

Me---Can I have your pineapple?

Have you ever included food in sex? Have you ever ruined something for someone? Do you have that kind of text buddy that you share everything with?
Adventures Of Passion
Posted:Jun 29, 2018 6:51 pm
Last Updated:Jul 5, 2018 3:34 pm

Has this ever happened to you? You sit down with idea in mind for your blog, start off with some cookies, sit down and start typing down snipets, then thanks to the cookies, you forget to start your blogging music, so you open your Spotify or such, pick out that song that's gonna get your soul burning, you hit "play", flip screens back to your percolating blog, both index fingers poised over the keys, aaaand your still waiting for the 1st strum of that guitar, aaaaaand still waiting, you glance up to the top of the screen and see that you have the speakers on MUTE, because you were watching some loud porn, earlier? It kind of takes the wind out of the 2nd try.

I was on IM earlier, looking at profiles around 300 miles away, REALLY wanting to start a dialogue with a few women, but what can you say that hasn't been said before, something cute? Something serious? Something dirty? After some deep consideration, ...well, do you remember that Seinfeld, the one where George is bitching about how everything he did was wrong so he decided to do the opposite of his normal choices. He ended up with a chicken salad on rye, a hot girlfriend, and a job with the New York Yankees. THAT'S the kind of response I wanna get when I send out a message on IM. So I tried it. I found an interesting woman 181 miles away.

Her Profile reads:
My Ideal Person Looking for drama free FWB situation when time permits for both. Looking for someone between 33 and 43 years old. I am 5.9 tall and prefer same height or taller. Must be absolutely drug and disease free.

My message sent:
I agree with you on the drama, I'm 5' 8" and 3/4", maybe you can let me slide on that, and I'm just a shade over 43 yrs, like 15yrs, but what's 15 yrs between FWBs? Is it 15yrs? Oh, yes it is, sorry, I'm pretty high right now. Well, I like what I'm seeing on your profile and would love to meet you. I can have you on the 1st Grey Hound in the morning, just say the word.

Now this is exactly NOT what I would send, but who knows , I'll keep you updated. Fingers crossed. What's the farthest distance you've "IM" another member?
Love Thy Neighbor
Posted:Jun 23, 2018 6:20 am
Last Updated:Jun 29, 2018 5:06 pm
No matter where I've lived, my neighbors have always been a pain. I had one who used to complain about the height of my grass after I mowed, since I cut mine lower than his he thought I was trying to make him look bad. Once I walked out my front door to see a neighbor kid swinging a baseball bat at one of my kids. His Mom said he was just playing, after further discussion she tried to say it must have been MY kids fault.

Currently, the house to my right is full of dudes. 3 of them. One is mentally deficient from an alcohol related car accident. He comes over regularly to try and borrow toilet paper. I tell him I don't have any. He used to put love notes in my mailbox for my wife. The other two aren't much better. I've seen them arguing loudly in their driveway threatening to kill each other. I think they're gay, or bi.

On my left there was a lesbian woman who never said a word to us. She gardened a lot in her front yard. When ever I came outside she would pack up her tools and go inside. I guess I was her annoying neighbor. Now a family lives there. The son rakes up the leaves every winter and piles them in my yard on the side of my house. The Mom is friendly to me, but I've been told that she hates my guts. Why, I don't know or care.

Last, but certainly not least, my neighbors across the street. Lynda de LaMooch used to live there, which made them tolerable. I actually have a decent relationship with them. The Dad, retired, stands in his sliding glass door, which faces my house, watching. All day. The Mom is daily shit-faced drunk. If she catches you outside your in for 30 minutes of gossip, as she sways from side to side, nearly falling down at times. I've been entertained with some loud drunken arguments coming from their house. I once heard Mom yell,"It's 11 o'clock and your already drunk!" to which I heard Lynda, "Will you two stop! It's fucking Thanksgiving!". Remember, these are the ones I consider "decent". This is as good as it gets.

As I walk out my door, I take a deep breath, and wonder........ What would Mr. Rogers do? Yep, WWMRD? There's only one thing he could do.......
What kind of neighbors do you have?

Purging My Urgings
Posted:Jun 21, 2018 7:39 pm
Last Updated:Jun 24, 2018 8:09 am

My sex life has always been incredibly busy times separated by long droughts. I remember when a few months seemed like the end of the world. I'm coming up on 5 yrs now, and don't even mind. Prior to that, every weekend I was going to a hotel party, sex club, or hanging out with of my FWBs. Some of those friends lovingly called me "Whore". Then one day, I just had enough. My new favorite word became "No". I got tired of being everybody's 3rd or 5th wheel, and finding a regular girl here is hard.

Well, nearly 5 yrs later there's only thing that really bothers me. It bothers me that NOT having sex with someone does NOT bother me. I could care less. I can take care of my own needs, been doing that since I was 12. I know what I like, know what I need and when I need it. And I don't have to talk to myself about my feelings and I never ask myself, "what are you thinking?".

I'm not saying I won't ever have a relationship, or dig out my inner whore and have another wild year, all I really know is, I'm OK with how life is going and don't feel the need to mess it up. I've seen similar descriptions on some women's profiles and wonder if this is the result of our social media/internet/connected society we live in today.

Are we Generation Z? Zero love, Zero sex, Zero give a shit?
Posted:Jun 19, 2018 7:26 pm
Last Updated:Jun 22, 2018 7:05 am

I titled this Bits-O-Honey because it's not about anything in particular, but I didn't think of it as "sweet", I just didn't know if any would read it if it was called Bits-O-Shit.

-Remember that candy, Bit-O-Honey? It's still around, somewhere. I know I never finished one , and there's no way that candy is biodegradable. I remember gnawing on it until it nearly pulled teeth out, then setting it down, somewhere. I couldn't imagine trying to eat one of those, now. Besides, I can't remember where I left it.

-I picked up a can of Cream Cheese Frosting Sunday. I finished it off tonight. I finally admitted to myself, that when it comes to cake, it's really all about the icing. I always froze my cakes to give the "cake" part some substance, but realized I was only trying to make the "cake" worth my time. So, rather than fighting over corner pieces I'm switching to these sweet little cans. It's gonna be a bitch getting more than 10 candles into it.

-Found out my oldest Ggirl was playing with a Ouija board yesterday, while I was at work. She finally fessed up when I asked her about the salt that was in my bed. I still don't know WHY the salt was IN my bed, but apparently, the "salt keeps you safe". I told her "leaving it alone" will make it safer. HEY! That's kind of an Abstinence speech! When I was 13yrs old I walked in the door with a Ouija board and my Mom sent me right back to the store to return it. Soon after she took me to the movies! We saw a movie about a girl close to my age. The Exorcist. I wasn't old enough to get in by myself. It was weird, at that age, to be sitting at the movies with Mom. It was weirder to be sitting at the movies with Mom while some girl, about my age, fucked herself with a crucifix. I remember sleeping with the light on and a bible on my chest for about a month.

Speaking of movies, I never got over Jaws. I was 15 when that movie came out. I've never been more than thigh deep in the ocean, since. My last vacation to the beach was in Port Aransas. 6 days I laid on that beach, oiled up and sizzling, and only occasionally walked out shin deep to wash the sand off my hands. Maybe it's like the cake/frosting syndrome, just give me the beach, the water is just for lookin at!.... I won't even go very deep in lakes or rivers, either. If I can't see the bottom, fuck that. There's a nice big river here that's a popular "tubing" river, I'll go down that, I'm never more than "butt deep".

So, inedible candy, the end of cake as we know it, pre-pubescent possession, or a fear of things when you don't even know if they're there. Your thoughts?
Motorcycles, Cookies, and Drinking Ranch Dressing
Posted:Jun 17, 2018 7:19 pm
Last Updated:Jun 18, 2018 7:49 pm

Last February, due to a steady, year long decline in income, I decided to close my shop. My landlord, nice guy that he is, and probably terrified I might leave 22 yrs of motorcycle trash behind, offered me the month of March "FREE", as long as I cleaned the entire 2450 sq ft of building, plus the parking lot, and back yard. HELL YEAH!!!! I had a month and a half to clean up, line up a new job, and hopefully ease in to retirement in another 8 years or so. I already had a job in mind.

The last week of March I was "orientated, trained, and assigned" a job location. The last week of March I realized I was gonna need another week to clean out the building. I bought another. At the end of that week I bought another. By now I was working an 8hr evening shift after cleaning out a business for 4 hrs every morning, with 14 hr days of packing and moving on Saturday and Sunday. And the night job was no walk in the park, it was constant moving, and pushing, and lifting.

Needless to say, by the end of April, when I finally finished clearing out that building, I'd lost 10lbs. I'm still dropping weight just doing my 8hr job, since I started I've lost a total of 19lbs. I didn't just get a job, I got a workout. I love it!
I love the job, too. It's totally stress free, compared to running a business.

It has some drawbacks, like during orientation they warned us about being too open about personal things on social media sites, so I'll be using the term "cookies" for, you know, that thing I do on the weekends, in the evening, in my bathroom window, you know, puff puff...

In other news, my old friend Lynda de LaMooch was texting me about something she ate with Ranch dressing. She was telling me how So-n-So made the best ranch dressing. I told her, "No, Hidden Valley mix was the best, but you have to make it." She said she'd never had it, and when I repeatedly asked, she'd forgotten to get some at the store. Last week I bought her a small jar of mayo, a pint of buttermilk, and a pack of Hidden Valley. She texts me the ingredients of every meal, all are eaten with the Ranch dressing, she says she wants to eat it with a spoon, or just drink it. We're so much alike.

Have you had REAL ranch dressing? Did you want to drink it?
Messages From The Other Side Of the Buffet
Posted:Jun 13, 2018 8:10 pm
Last Updated:Jun 17, 2018 1:20 pm

From reading the blogs, I know how ridiculous some of the messages are that the guys send to the women on this site. Here's what I get on a regular basis:

Me: Hi, your profile was fairly vague, how tall are you? Those lovely legs look pretty long.

( I'm polite, inquisitive and showing an interest in her, finishing the message off with a flirty compliment)

Wetter ****678: thanks for the message. it,s my pleasure to meet handsome like you here . care to tell me about your self and i will like to know you more better than here . do you have private email that i can contact you through. what are you looking for particular

(say what? As I read this I can hear Natasha's thick Russian accent, "I look for Moose and Squirrel". Now, realizing that this is a scam/spammer here to get my personal email address I usually ignore any future messages.)

Here's another interesting message I got a few months back from a woman I'd never talked to, but was "top fanning" against another dude just because it's fun to outbid a guy by 1 points every time they post a bid:

Versatile****x62: You truly don't get my lack of response that the interest is not there

Me: Got It.

(wow, 2 idiots running up points on her profile and....... I don't know, I thought it was rude.)

OK, here's one more, a few weeks ago I butt dialed this woman I met on here like 5 yrs ago? We had a fun morning together, well.... here it is:

Me: Hey Amber I don't know if you remember me, I was Mcmaniac. I accidentally butt dialed you last night, or at least I butt dialed your old number, the 789-**** number. Sorry about that.

Bear****: I do remember you!!! How are you?

Me: I'm good! How have you been?

Bear****: Doing good!!! Kind of horny today!!!

(well .......... they aren't all bad....... )

Got Mail?
Snaked, Baked, And Slurpeed To A Pee
Posted:Jun 2, 2018 3:33 pm
Last Updated:Jun 27, 2018 5:15 am

As I looked down I noticed the hole was dark, wet, and ready for my tool. I lowered myself and fed it into that orifice, deeper and deeper, at one point feeling resistance, I pushed and fed more and more, amazed at how deep I was going. When I could go no further, I gyrated and twisted, pushing in and out, deeper, harder, back and forth, faster, then slower, working a sporadic rhythm feeling the wetness occasionally hitting my legs. After 20 minutes, I pulled completely out, sat back, catching my breath before starting over.

Unknown to me, the 3rd round was to be the climatic finale, at one point pulling out hard I noticed an eruption as all the wetness splattered, then disappeared, revealing a clear sewer line. I sat back on the plant pot, totally satisfied, and smoked an imaginary, celebratory cigarette in my mind. After a few minutes, I stuffed the "snake" back on the receiver, rolled up the cord, and stashed it into the garage. Time for a shower.

A long shower felt good, after the previous days short shower with the drain plug set, so as not to flood the house. After getting dressed I really wanted something cold to drink, so off to the Ice House. The drive was an opportunity to "free my mind" without stinking up the house. "Cheech and Chonging" to the store left me staring at bottle after bottle of beverages, when I spotted some orange Fanta that looked good. I bought 2, but even as I was paying I knew this wasn't what I was wanting, I wanted a Slurpee. Off to the 11 of 7.

I sat in my truck in the parking lot, repeatedly giving myself a brain freeze until it was nearly gone. Unsated, I bought a 2nd, drove towards home, stopped and looked at some puppies, American Wolf Hound something or other. Cute, but I'm only wanting small dogs, since my over weight Lab died and I had a time getting her in my van to take her for cremation.

Once home, I Slurpeed till I was nearly sick. It wasn't long before Slurpee had it's revenge. I think Slurpee is French for "peeing out your butt". It had been years since I'd had a Slurpee, it's gonna be years before I want another. But(t) I can honestly say, both my "sewer lines" are clear.

How long's it been since YOU had a Slurpee? Well neighbor, that's too long!

To link to this blog (mc_justmc) use [blog mc_justmc] in your messages.

  mc_justmc 58M
58 M
July 2018
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat

Recent Visitors

Visitor Age Sex Date
author51 55F7/19
nowecandoit  42M7/18
sweet_VM 60F7/18
smartasswoman 60F7/16
GratefulGirl69 49F7/16
Wantingsexymind2 48F7/16
didyousaymas885  30M7/15
pytimesx  58M7/15